Tuesday, 03 May 2011

Royal Wedding Versus An African Wedding

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The Royal Wedding recently took place and a friend of mine that had nothing to do with his life sent me over a BBM and it did a comparison between a British Royal Wedding and a African Royal Wedding. 

Due to the fact that some of it is in pigeon English I have had to do a translation for our non African compatriots.

African Version

See people wey get money to do wedding, yet dress simple, the bride's gown is simple and is not exposing any cleavage. The priest preached a meaningful message within 20mins, he no use handkerchief/towel, he no drink water/juice, he no need  scream and do show-offz.

He wrote his sermon on a piece of paper not ipad/lapy. He no need  to hail iya Charlie or do any form of patronising. No Aso ebi wey cost well, No thanksgiving, offering etc.

No babes with fake eyelashes, holding blackberry and pinging @ reception.

Chei, 9ja ‎​hail una.

See Queen of England convoy. Just one car and one SUV. If na Naija u go  see cars with siren and Anti riot squad, Anti bomb squad, Bakassi boys, OPC, Boko Haram, Kalakato, NSCDC, FRSC, SSS, Army, NN, NAF, EFCC, Militants and all 4 d convoy....na wa Naija!

Translated English Version with a Mr Mahogany Twist

When rich people do a wedding and despite the fact that they have lots of money they do not over dress and dress simply in coat and tail and elegant dresses with hats, they don't go to a wedding exposing all of their cleavage.

When the priest gets up on the pulpit to preach at the wedding, it is a meaningful message that lasts for 20 minutes not 2 hours, the priest wrote it on a small piece of paper and was not using an Ipad or laptop. Whilst preaching he did not need to sing the praises of her majesty, he was not pouring sweat when he preached, he did not need to drink water or juice, he did not need to scream and shout and roll on the ground to get his message across. There was no thanks giving offering that asked for you to donate every penny you had, plus your car and you

r house.

At the wedding there were no women wearing fake eyelashes and whilst the ceremony was going on they were not using their Blackberry’s and pinging during the church service. As you know if this had been a black wedding the BBM’s would have been going off nonstop, with updates, pictures, Facebook status and twitter update by the second, with running commentary of whom was with whom and whom should not have been with whom and how some women forgot to cream their feet and you could see the white crustiness of their feet.

Finally when the various members of the royal family were on their way to the church they arrived with only one range rover following behind, but if it had been a black wedding behind the royal car there would have been cars with sirens blaring, anti riot police, bomb squad, CIA, FBI, Mossad, MI5, MI6, the Army, the Marines, Special Forces, helicopters and unmanned drones.

Black people just need to make sure that when they get married EVERYONE knows about it.